Out of the Box
Have you attached a label to yourself lately? We live in a society of labels. Everyone will try to label you, including yourself. Labels are what you call yourself in your head. They are tags that you attach to yourself to describe the person you think you are. Are you a successful career woman, a super mom, a loser, an ugly person, a sex bomb, a “fatty”, a good-for-nothing? We put ourselves in boxes trying to define who we are. We do it to others, and we do it to ourselves. Whether positive or negative, what we label ourselves every day affects our idea of ourselves and limits the direction of our thoughts and possibilities. Even more than the labels attached by society. We are what we think we are.Once you identify yourself with a particular group of people – whether it’s social, political, or religious – then you often begin to define the rest of your existence based on this label. The box you put yourself in. You think, “I’m an X person, so that means I do things like this, that or the other – because that’s what X people do.”Labeling yourself as part of a group feels good – it gives you a sense of belonging and identity. But it also limits you. And it is a form of seeking acceptance from outside of yourself instead of inside. It stops you from thinking for yourself. When you label yourself as part of a particular group, it gives you a “mental shortcut” on how you should think and behave. It is like mental junk food. Instead of thinking for yourself, all you need to do is echo what other members of your tribe are doing. So what happens? Labeling yourself can often lead to thoughtless agreement. Conversely, when you don’t label yourself, it’s much easier to agree with a group when you agree with them and disagree with a group when you disagree with them. You can create your own belief system instead of following someone else’s. It makes you dislike other people for no reason because it creates an “us vs. them” mental junk food way of thinking. When you don’t label yourself, you can often connect with people easier because you don’t have the superficial boundaries of “groups” to make you appear separate from anyone.
“Waking up to who you are, requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.” - Alan Watts
It sometimes makes sense to point someone out based on race, gender, religion, or whatever, but we should never confuse these labels to define another person. For example, if I’m describing a friend of mine to someone else, and I point to someone across the room, it may be appropriate to say “He’s the Asian guy,” especially if he happens to be the only Asian in the group. But it is better to say “The person wearing a white shirt on the right?” Instead, can I describe the friend without using gender pronouns or weight references or nationality references? Talking to people and getting to know them, not just putting a label on them based on appearance and then assuming we know more about them than we actually do. When a baby is born, the first thing everyone asks is whether it is a girl or boy. What that question is sort of asking is, “what box can I put this newborn person in?” Or more crudely, “does the baby have a vagina or a penis?” How weird to actually say that, but isn’t that what we mean?
In elementary school, we are quickly classified and reinforced with the ideas that we are smart, not smart, a good student, a bad student, a good reader, a bad reader, too hyper, too shy, athletic, uncoordinated… We begin to believe these ideas and take them on to be facts. When you understand the limits your family, your friends, your teachers, and your ego have set for you, you can choose to go throw away those boxes you have been put into. Even if we know that these labels and boxes are wrong, we have to deal with the judgment of others and become aware we have the power to change.Have you ever been described as a certain 'type' of person? Such as 'smart' or 'stupid', 'extrovert' or 'introvert'. Or someone 'traumatized' or as a 'victim'. I'm not saying that none of these labels have ever applied to you in some way. We've all been stupid or smart at one time or another. Words matter, because they can shape expectation. When we are labeled we can be trapped by that label. It becomes a type of dictator.Language has the power to set up our actual experiences. So, it may be great if you have been labeled as gifted or strong if you are that kind of person. The problem with a limiting label is that it becomes everything you set yourself up for. So, if you consider yourself as someone with low self-esteem, instead of just someone who has had moments of low self-esteem, it boxes how you see yourself handling anything that comes your way before you ever get a chance to just let it be. The people I work with have moments of strength and optimism and “can-do” approaches to things in life. But they recognize that they may need guidance to get their weight under control or a work-out routing they can stick to or a work-in routine that gets them out of a rut. They are fierce and passionate and just need a nudge to work through some area of stickiness. I work with them to remove their past expectations and see the possibilities.
I am sure you have heard people sayings things like, "I'm not the type of person that could do that." So you've seen the limiting effects of labeling first hand. The way we frame ourselves and other people (and the way others frame us) has consequences. If you label someone as 'difficult', or 'easy-going', or 'manipulative', and if that label is super sticky, then it colors the way we see that person's behavior to fit the label.
“The quicker you are in attaching verbal or mental labels to things, people, or situations, the more shallow and lifeless your reality becomes, and the more deadened you become to reality.” - Eckhart Tolle
In one study, a group of cancer survivors who considered themselves "cured" did better than a group who thought of themselves as being "in remission". The "cured" group were happier and fiercer, experienced less pain, and functioned better socially. Think about that. People actually experienced less pain if they felt they were cured rather than just being in remission!So how a patient sees their disease (or even if they consider think of it as a disease at all, like alcoholism or depression) can have amazing consequences for how they actually experience it. If someone thinks that depression or alcoholism is a disease that is part of who they are instead of something that can be mastered can make a lot of difference.
"You do not need to always conceptualize, interpret or label everything that comes into your awareness." - Eckhart Tolle.
It's good to know what we are like as people, our strengths and interests. But, we need to see that we can all become much more than our labels allow. We do not want to set up a self-fulfilling prophecy. But applying negative and restrictive labels to people can also cause this looping effect in which the label and its limitations become a self-fulfilling prophecy.So be careful what labels you place upon yourself. Because I can guarantee you are always more than what seems to be the sum of your parts. You are not a victim of your past and your boxes. You are a human being capable of anything you set your heart and mind to do! Please let me know what you think.