Identity After Retirement
This past Wednesday, I taught a class at the Center for Living and Learning in NYC on Identity After Retirement. The organization is a school for people 55 and older.It was a fabulous group of FIERCE folks! They had tremendous input about their own personal experiences and lots of questions about how I would coach clients on specific issues. Here is a summary of what was discussed.Prior to the 18th century, the average life expectancy was 26 - 40 years of age. When FDR signed the Social Securities Act in 1935. The Act stated that a person would retire at the age of 65 when there was a very good chance they would not live that long. The average age for men was 59 and the average age for women was 64.Since the Act was passed, the average life expectancy has risen by almost 20 years. But people are often retiring before the age of 65.When you look up the word "retire" in the dictionary, the definition is:
withdrawal from one's position or occupation or from an active working life.
a place of seclusion and privacy.
When you look up synonyms on thersaus.com, some of the words you will see are:
Distant
Elderly
Gone
Past
Removed
Secluded
Solitary
Withdrawn
Out of Commission
Out of Service
This is the type of result you will get currently if you google "image of life stages" How many people over 60 identify with this? Do you expect your identity will be reduced that of someone needing a cane and holding a watering can?! Gardening is fantastic, but seriously?!So the idea of "retirement" in my view, is in desperate need of a reboot!My suggestion is the word "REVISEMENT". When you look up the word "revise" the definition is:
to alter in order to make corrections, improve, or update:
Synonyms for "revise" include:
Change
Alter
Modify
Enhance
Proceed
Outdo
Improve
Evolve
To me, this is not only more accurate but more respectful and in keeping with the reality of how this new stage of life has CHANGED!Having said this, there is something that needs to be considered that often is not. Leaving your occupation can have a very intense effect that you may not have prepared for. People often depend on their jobs for social life, purpose, routine. In short, you need to ask yourself, "Is your job what you do, or is your job who you are?"When my dad left the place he had worked for 35 years he was excited to have all of his time to himself. But he hadn't considered that he was a serious social butterfly and work and that leaving the job also meant leaving those connections. I clearly remember speaking with him on the phone one day after he stopped working and him telling me he had spent the week cleaning the grout between the bathroom floor tiles with a toothbrush and bleach. He needed to keep himself active in ways other than that. He did quickly find his way back into being very social. At first, it was with many of the same people who still worked his former place of business.When we leave the workplace, we look forward to having our time back to ourselves. Weekends, holidays and vacations from work are times we often look forward to relaxation. When we no longer work, we have 365 days of Saturdays. Without planning, this can lead to sadness, loneliness and depression.A Holmes and Rahe study found, out of 43 stress-causing life-changing events, retirement ranked 10th.Leaving a job for baby boomers is different than people in the 30s and 20s. Baby Boomers stayed at their jobs for decades. So the only thing that is certain is whatever you expect no longer working will be like. is the only thing it will not be. It is a process, which could take years to adjust. Many people feel isolated and lonely if they haven't prepared.Retirement is also a big equalizer. When I took time off after we adopted our daughter, I was a VP of Operations, Controller and Partner of a Madison Avenue investment bank. But at home with my baby, at the playground, and neighborhood get-togethers, I was just another mom. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom. But the loss of "status" was a major punch I was not at all prepared for. This is also true when you retire from working. It may be impressive that you WERE a doctor, lawyer, teacher, police officer, business owner, etc. But once that is your past, you need to identify yourself in new ways.Part of this involves our society's obsession with career. We spend our entire adult life answering the question "What do you do?" as if the most important part of who we are is how we make our money. Workism has another topic I will be writing about in the coming weeks.The best way to approach retirement is to follow these steps:Acknowledge who you currently are. What is your current identity?Reconnect with who you really are via self-examination. Discover what makes you tick.Examine the past and all the things you built up. Decide what to keep and what to let go.Begin to test. Play with new ideas and hobbies to discover which ones are a good fit.Choose. Lean into a new reality that revolves around your interests.Enjoy the process. Don’t put pressure on yourself to choose, this isn't a race.This is a new phase of your life that should be looked at in the same way you look at graduating from high school or college. Life on your terms, but not without awareness, intention and introspection into who you are. Many of my clients find that they have no idea who they are without their careers. We work together to test new things. Don't be afraid to make "mistakes". It just means something you tried or thought was not for you.Being spontaneous is something many people have not done since they were children. We are all so often scheduled, that we forget how to let things happen. This new phase of life is also an opportunity to allow spontaneity to have a place in our lives. Please let me know if you have any questions or comments! And, please share this with anyone who you think might benefit.