Pandemic Loneliness Survival Guide
For many of us, the 2020 holiday season has been much different. We are used to this time of year being festive, joyous and full of gratitude for what we have experienced throughout the year and hope for the coming year. This holiday season, and especially the winter months ahead, can actually bring on many negative emotions including stress, anxiety, depression, and most often: LONELINESS.
Despite how it feels, loneliness is not as serious as you may think. Sure, it can be very difficult and challenging to experience, but ultimately loneliness is not a state of being – it’s just a feeling. If you have been following my articles for a while, then you likely already know that you have the FIERCE power to change your feelings by changing your thoughts about those feelings. That is why, I thought I’d share some tips you can use to combat loneliness. Keep reading for your winter pandemic survival guide!
Plan for Success
To begin with, I recommend having a plan to Stay FIERCE this winter. For me personally, this means I plan to feed my mind, body, and spirit well during these winter months. This includes engaging in daily meditation practice, as well as pre-planning workouts, meals, and even fun activities. Meditation is also very important to me, so I make sure I make time in my day for it.
When we plan, we are using our higher-level brain that has our best interests in mind and contributes to our wellness and growth. When we leave it up to chance, or how we are feeling in the moment, we often don’t do things that serve us. So, my best advice would be to plan self-care practices for each day.
In 2020, we have also learned how quickly things can change. Don’t let that stand in your way of creating a plan to Stay FIERCE that will help you keep your mood more positive. Instead, have a backup plan handy so you can pivot if necessary. For example, one of the priorities in my life is staying connected with friends and family.
2020 challenged us all to find alternate ways to stay connected while remaining physically distanced. I plan my days to include connecting with special people in my life over ZOOM or on the old fashioned telephone line. While these do not replace being in the actual presence of these people, it has certainly been a very special part of my life this year. Some of my relationships are actually much better because of the lack of the distraction of keeping busy.
The commitment to your priorities should be so FIERCE that even if the ways you normally do them have to change, the priorities themselves do not.
Learn to Love Your Own Company
2020 has forced us all to slow down and be at home more, and while that can be frustrating, it’s also an opportunity to learn to connect with ourselves in a much deeper way (something I’m working on currently with several of my clients!). This can be especially critical for those who live alone. Living alone comes with thoughts that the inability to physically be close to people can lead to loneliness, but loneliness is just a feeling caused by specific thought patterns that don’t have to do with being physically close to other people.
You could be in a great relationship, in a bustling city, or with a lot of people around you all the time and still experience loneliness because it is just the thought that “I am alone” that causes your feeling of loneliness and not the proximity to other people. What I recommend is that we all use this time to learn to reconnect with ourselves and learn to love our own company. When you are able to love your own company, not only do you experience fewer feelings of loneliness, but when you are with other people, you are able to more fully enjoy connecting with them because you really want to connect with them, instead of fearing that you need to connect with them because you don’t want to be alone with yourself.
Learn the Difference Between Loneliness and Being Alone
Being alone is a neutral circumstance. Being alone in and of itself does not cause us any feelings until we start having thoughts that create our feelings of loneliness. This is why you could be with someone and still feel alone. I suggest that we all do a little thought work around this and discover what thoughts are creating our loneliness. Focusing on loving the time we do spend with ourselves alone is crucial. It is so powerful to learn how to love being with ourselves, otherwise, we use being with others as a band-aid to avoid having to feel bad when we are alone with ourselves.
What I find is that people negatively judge themselves for not being in a relationship, or living alone and feel somehow less worthy compared to someone who is in a relationship or lives with other people. Being alone is just a neutral fact, a circumstance, a way things are, it does not mean anything until we have thoughts about it.
Those of us who don’t live alone might also have concerns about the negative effects of being distanced from people all winter. The good news is, there are some easy ways to alleviate this. For example, I am a big believer in taking time to be outdoors for at least an hour each day during the winter months. It has really helped me have a positive mood. It comes down to shifting your mindset and asking yourself questions, like “How can I feel warm and cozy this winter?” This may prompt you to dig out a warm and cozy robe, sweatshirt, or socks. You may focus on making warmer foods, like soups and stews. Having hot chocolate or some fun with some new teas.
Lastly, if you don’t live alone but want to make some alone time without hurting the feelings of those that you live with, remember to just communicate about these needs for self-care. It is helpful to explain to your loved one why having some alone time will help you and most likely the people around you. When I am recharged in this way I am more likely to be in a more positive mood and can then reconnect with them in a more meaningful way.
I hope this is helpful for you in the coming months! There will be easier days and there will be not-so-easy days for all of us. I encourage you to try and remember that while you may not be surrounded by people physically, none of us are experiencing any of this alone. Lean on your loved ones for support and make space for them to lean on you as well. And if that’s not an option, know there is support out there for you if you need it.
Have a happy and healthy New Year – Stay FIERCE!
