Other People's Opinions Of Me Are None of My Business

When you make a decision to do something new – change careers, launch a new business, or start a new way of eating or working out – you will definitely encounter someone in your life with an opinion. Not that you've asked for or want their advice! A family member might tell you that the idea is possibly dangerous, your friend might argue with the reasons for your decision, or your partner may express tremendous skepticism. I want to offer you permission NOT to believe their opinion.Here’s how I think about it: Let’s say I’m a long-time vegetarian. I’m at a party, and my friends, family, and strangers who don’t know about my eating habits walk around eating their meat hors d’oeuvres. When they offer me something from their plate, I simply say “no thank you.” I am not persuaded by how much they like the hors d'oeuvres because I am committed to my vegetarian lifestyle. Even if they tell me how wonderful it tastes, or how worried they are that I am not eating enough protein, I just simply say “no thank you” and move on with my evening.I don’t need to EXPLAIN myself, DEFEND my beliefs about being a vegetarian or ACCOUNT for my protein intake. I have the right to eat what I want and say no to eating what I don’t want.It’s the exact same thing when people offer opinions about what you are deciding to do.Step one: is to not get mad at them for having an opinion. Honestly, their opinion is none of your business. Yes, even if it is about you. Adults are entitled to have an opinion or judgment about anything, including things that are literally none of THEIR business. They don’t “have” to be supportive of you or agree with your decisions.Step two: is to not engage with the opinion. Just acknowledge it and move on. If someone offered up hors d’ oeuvres with meat and you’re a vegetarian, you wouldn’t spend time debating whether or not you should eat it, or let it get your upset because they offered it to you. The same is true with someone’s judgment of your decisions. Thanks, but NO THANKS.Where we get ourselves in trouble is when we let ourselves get upset with the person for not believing in us and our decision, and start let their reaction affect our thinking about whether it was the right decision in the first place.Doubt sets in and we use their opinion to stop our forward progress and lose momentum Someone else cannot possibly know what is best for us. They can offer advice, opinions, and criticism, but it is up to us to decide what we want to think about ourselves and our choices.And now here is a secret. Their negative thoughts are really about who? Not you. They are about them themselves. Notice when someone is negative about your decision it probably relates to some action they did not take that they regret. Game changer! Puts a completely different spin on it.As a two-time business owner, I have faced my fair share of skepticism, advice, opinion and judgment from others. I used to let it in and it wreaked havoc on my pursuits. Because when we let in others’ judgments, we use it to judge ourselves even more harshly. It’s a lose-lose situation.Now I simply notice the judgment and move on. I trust that even if I fall down and make a mistake, I will learn from it and get stronger. I go with my gut. This is not to say that others do not sometimes offer fantastic ways of looking at things that I did not consider. But I CHOOSE whether to consider it or not. See the difference?I give myself permission NOT to believe other people’s opinions. I keep walking down the road I’m on because nothing slows you down more in than starting and stopping every time you second-guess your decisions. You are the only one in control of your own life: now go forth and create something fierce!But guess what? Their positive opinion isn't about you either. So if someone thinks your idea is terrific, that is also none of your business. That is all about them as well. Freaky, right!