Get out of your way

Many of my clients and friends have asked me why they get in their own way of reaching a goal that the FIERCELY want. I totally get it. I have had many situations where I was at a loss as to why I would get excited and motivated to do something, only to quit half way through the process.  The answer comes from understanding  how your brain works. Our brain is motivated to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and exert the least amount of effort. This is known as the motivational triad. Understanding this is key to moving towards what you want and not quitting half way through.When you decide to do something meaningful to improve yourself or grow, your brain may quickly overwhelm you with anxiety, fear, and doubt. I remember when I signed up for my first marathon, I was so excited, eagerly paid my race fee, told my family and friends about it, and was just as quickly, slapped with all the anxiety, fear and doubt that I could NOT do it. My brain immediately understood that by committing to the race would mean less pleasure, more pain and more effort. All of these emotions go completely against the motivational triad.

"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will."

Our brain fears the unknown because of the possible harm that could result, so it immediately wants to reject the idea of anything new to keep us safe and living with what is familiar and comfortable. So how do we move past this resistance? The first step is to expect the resistance. I now know that anxiety, fear, and doubt are all signals that I am moving towards something meaningful, and I now embrace and learn from the resistance. Resistance here is defined as the unknown force that fights you the second you try to improve yourself or grow. That is the sick-to-your-stomach feeling you get when someone asks you to speak at their event, when you interview for a new job, or sign up for a marathon, for example.When you have resistance, it means you have to do your thought work. It signifies that you have an unconscious thought that is coming in like wildfire to fight you against taking that new action. The best thing to do here is ask yourself “Why”? Why can’t I do it? The answer will reveal the thought that is holding you back.Remember the post on WORKING IN? Well, instead of an outside force, the negativity is coming from within you. You would do the same steps with your negative thoughts to get to the source.A SITUATION leads to: running a marathonTHOUGHTS which lead to: Running a marathon is impossible.FEELINGS which lead to: InadequacyACTIONS that bring: Not training or mentally preparingREACTIONS: Decide not to do it.Once you have the thought or thoughts that are holding you back, you can explore them and decide to choose an alternative thought that does move you towards your goal. If I chose to stay with the thought “Running a marathon is impossible,” then there’s a good chance I would never run it, and I would wind up proving this thought true. Instead, choosing to believe that with the proper attitude, I would end up joining the millions that had. The negative thought is a self-fulfilling prophecy.A SITUATION leads to: running a marathonTHOUGHTS which lead to: Of course, I can do this. Look at all the others that have that started less prepared than I am.FEELINGS which lead to: Confidence!ACTIONS that bring: Train and mentally prepare.REACTIONS: Run a marathon!Remember, thoughts are sentences in our minds, and they are all optional. We have to identify the ones that are there in order to challenge and let go of the ones that don’t serve our goals. Direct your mind to the place you want to go, and override its primitive reactions to your self-improvement and growth. Tell your mind what you want and use powerful words about your FIERCE ability to see it through. Link FIERCE pleasure and effort to achieving it, FIERCE pain to quit.If you think you can you are right, or if you think you can’t, you are also right. Which story about yourself do you choose?If you want to learn how to use your brainpower to get what you want and up-level your life, schedule a call with me for transformational coaching.