FIERCE Boredom
This is the third in the series of articles I am writing due to the unusual situation we all find ourselves in due to the coronavirus.
One of the emotions that hit the world like a ton of bricks in one fell swoop when we all went into lockdown as boredom. Boredom results from not being push or pulled by inspirations or distractions. While many of us are getting back to some activity in life, others of us, myself included, are remaining in the “lockdown” status. So the opportunity for boredom is very prevalent.
Boredom is a feeling we are very uncomfortable with. We associate it with restlessness and emptiness. Boredom is often at the root of what become addictions. Because we tend to run from being uncomfortable to external distractions.
From the Buddhist perspective, we experience boredom due to the habit of our thoughts to label situations as either something we want, something we don’t want, or neutral. We feel bored when we are in any situation where the most obvious feeling is neutral. There’s neither something we want nor something we don’t want, it is just neutral. In the neutral state, we’re likely to get lost in thought.
If you’re in pain and you move to a neutral feeling, what does that feel like? It feels great! I once had very bad case pneumonia, and — believe me — when it was over, getting back to normal day-to-day life felt utterly fantastic.
What happens when you come back to normal life? It feels boring. “Where’s my fun!? Where’s my text!? Where’s the party!? Where’s the action!?” We find ourselves resistant to our underlying condition. It’s no longer pleasurable to just be alive. Just existing or just being becomes something that we disparately want to escape from.
RESISTANCE = PERSISTANCE
It is possible that the concept of boredom grew with the appearance of external entertainment: as far back as books, theatre, then tabloids and newspapers, radio, television, movies, and — finally — the internet. The moment we start chasing something, we create its opposite. When we chase hope, we create the idea of fear. When we chase pleasure, we create pain. When we chase fame, we create the idea of insignificance. When we chase praise, we create the idea of blame. We we chase gain, we create the idea of loss. Buddhism calls these the 8 Worldly Concerns. When we chase inspiration, we become acutely aware of the times they aren’t present — we become easily bored, which causes us to chase distraction.
Face-to-face human contact provides the basis of happiness, resilience, and well being. Without direct human connection, we become vulnerable to mood swings and delusion. Long ago, people sought meaning and connection through village squares and social gatherings. Nowadays, way before the physical distancing restrictions, we sought connection through digital forms of communication like texts, tweets, and emails, where there is no other person physically present. Texting, checking email and notifications trigger the release of dopamine, the chemical in our brain associated with pleasure and reward; this makes us feel powerful and safe. But our smartphones only provide a simulation of human connection.
As a result, we have an underlying feeling of dissatisfaction, craving and anxiety, which can push us to seek for distraction. We seek the new and the intense. When there’s nothing stimulating, flashy, and distracting, we experience the baseline state of existence as uncomfortable, being bored.
I remember when my now 14 year old daughter first started asking if she could walk our 3 miniature dachshunds. She was around 10 years old and my husband and I both felt she was too young to handle 3 dogs who all wanted to go in different directions or became crazed anytime another dog walked by. But about a year later we started having her take oldest dog, Poggi, out because she was the calmest and easiest to control. Our daughter was thrilled by this “new” responsibility. But the elation quickly dissapated and taking Poggi out become another boring routine, to the point where she dreaded it. The newness had worn off. The expectation of a “thrill” had become dull. This is the result EVERY TIME we seek distraction from boredom with external stimuli.
The goal of meditation is to free us from the addiction cycle of distraction, from the idea that happiness is external to ourselves. To be free is to not be chained to anything. And still, more and more we voluntarily tie ourselves to distractions — to text messages that offer the illusion we’re connected to other people when we’re actually becoming more distant.
The meditative practice with discomfort is to turn toward it, to investigate it, to look beneath it — to really take it apart and examine what’s there. The more we take boredom apart, the more interesting it becomes. What surrounds the sense of boredom is hidden treasure.
We start the practice with discomfort by investigating a feeling that we don’t like to feel: an underlying agitation, edginess, or vulnerability. If we avoid that feeling, if we sweep it under the carpet, it becomes less and less comfortable over time. When an auto-mechanic tests a car engine, they do so by letting it run on idle to see how it performs. If we do that same thing with our thoughts and feelings, and just look at what’s there, we see that boredom is just a bunch of tingling and a bunch of energy in the body.
“THE CURE FOR BOREDOM IS CURIOUSITY.
THERE IS NO CURE FOR CURIOUSITY.”
Dorothy Parker
We don’t like to sit with boredom and investigate it. But when we unravel it, it is just sensations wanting for our attention. Maybe boredom comes up from an underlying sense of insecurity, vulnerability, or loneliness. If you never felt safe when you were young, boredom might hold the memory of that feeling. When we feel boredom as it manifests in the belly, in the chest, in the shoulders, in the forehead, we can begin to pay attention to these feelings.
Boredom is often felt when we start to experience the underlying sensations of insecurity and loneliness and vulnerability. The more we pay attention to these sensations and investigate them with intention, the more we can become comfortable with what previously felt boring. This creates a sense of freedom. We can begin to pay attention to some really deep treasure we are burying beneath those feelings. We can begin to finally pay attention to these feelings as they reveal themselves in our day-to-day life. When we run away from boredom, we are running away from ourselves.
“YOU ARE THE SKY.
EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST THE WEATHER.”
Pema Chodron
We continue the practice with discomfort by investigating the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and our reactions. When we’re feeling bored, we have the reaction: something’s wrong. Then, feeling that reaction, the mind starts throwing thoughts and stories at the boredom.
Without those stories, there can be a feeling that nothing gives us purpose or identity, that we are empty. There is an emptiness in our mind once we let go of everything else. As we investigate the absence of distraction, and go into the investigation and observation, we begin to find that the whole self-process of identity-building and telling stories about ourselves falls apart. But instead of that being scary, it is actually empowering, as opposed to maintaining the story of “who I am” is an effort that keeps us in flux and never settling. Always flowing. Always free.
Another illusion is the idea that if we are bored, there is a problem with the world. We are not surrounded by enough good things or good people. When we really look at what is going on within and investigate our mind, we find that rather than it being a problem with the world, it’s just a problem with the way we are looking to certain situations. Certain people, when we see them or think of them, we immediately become tired, we stop trying, we stop putting in an effort to being open. We begin to push away. We begin to buffer. We get angry, resentful, jealous, spiteful.
Sisyphus — the Greek figure who was destined to push a boulder up a hill forever — was the embodiment of boredom, but also a potential hero. There was great liberation because rather than constantly chasing the new, the stimulating, Sisyphus was given the opportunity to let go of wanting life to be different than it is, wanting to escape old age, sickness, death, frustration, sadness, loneliness: all of what is. His unique position allowed him to confront the basis of his existence. Instead of needing to always find something to lift us out of our feelings of restlessness, we can turn to face what we have not given attention. The way to the greatest wisdom and happiness often can be where we least expect it, in those times in life where we feel restless, anxious, and bored.
Think of a time when you were bored. What did you do next? A few of mine: pick up my phone, pick my cuticles, browse on Ebay, watch Netflix, check news headlines, read, try to remember what I need to be worried about. What am working on with myself is stopping to think and maybe practice breathing techniques or meditate. Has avoiding discomfort ever really worked more than temporarily? When you have the urge to avoid boredom, does it solve whatever problem you were experiencing? Or does it just delay it?
“WHILE WE POSTPONE LIFE, IT PASSES.”
Seneca
I think this literally keeps us up at night. You know the feeling of waking up in the middle of the night and some FIERCE worry starts playing out challenging aspects of life on a loop is the result of running from boredom. When we run from it we cannot work out what is edgy in our minds. It is like sweeping it under the carpet. In the middle of the night, the lid is looser, so to speak, on our control. And it is difficult to buffer in distractions and addictions in the middle of the night. That said, how many of us will reach for our phones when we cannot fall asleep?
Worrying is praying for something we don’t want.
We decide what is and is not boring with the level of interest and investigation we bring to life. The more we can be with everything, and not give up and not turn off, and not stop opening to life, the more we can find liberation and freedom and a sense of letting go.
Think of boredom as your own internal notification system. When you phone notifies of something, it is a note of something to pay attention to. Boredom, is our brain’s way of notifying us that there is something we need to pay attention to.
Boredom can be a way to know ourselves. However uncomfortable to experience may at first seem. If you can tolerate and push through this discomfort, a world you never imagine lies on the other side.
I would love to know your thoughts on these ideas. What is your experience with boredom? Does any of what I have laid out here resonate with you?
If you would like to do some of this work, please reach out for a free 1-hour consultation.
